I've never had sex on a train.
This isn't a post about that.
It's about the invisible sex train a lot of us might be riding.
Imagine for a moment...
You are on a train.
Starting at point A you expect to get to point B.
But this train never gets where you are trying to go.
The ride is full of blockages and surprises.
The need to pump the brakes and take detours is prevalent.
You start wondering if you'll ever get to point B.
All this slowing down for what?
You just want.
to.
get.
there.
already.
You start second guessing that maybe point B doesn't even exist.
Perhaps point B is just a figment of your fantasies, impossible to materialize.
You realize this train is a joke.
Looking at the ticket you take out of your pocket, you notice it has no writing.
Panic ensues.
You had such high expectations for the destination.
There is so much at stake.
The vulnerability and courage it took to get on the train was so much.
Your luggage is getting heavier by the second.
Knees? What knees?
Where the heck are you? What's happening?
Everything is awry.
Nothing is right.
Dissociation surfaces.
You start thinking you might not be right.
Wrong places are only taken up by wrong people.
You take over the identity of this invisible train and convince yourself you are the problem.
There's something wrong with you, the train, the journey, the destination.
Fucked? Yes, but not how you planned.
Something so fun is now so scary.
Pleasure is attaching to fear.
Worry is swamping out bliss.
Patience already left the building with no plans of returning.
Stone starts growing in places that once lavished rivers of ecstasy.
Numbness swells into what you can only imagine as the pits of your pelvic void.
This isn't where you wanted to be.
You're never getting there.
You don't even know where "there" is.
Then suddenly!
Out of a bundle of lavender clouds above you, a fairy appears.
With her wand waving above you, she grants you departure.
She doesn't ask you for anything.
You beg her to take whatever she wants.
She denies your offer.
She wants nothing from you.
Her smile touches your amygdala.
A rush of hot honey drips down your spine, some of it pooling on the back of your tongue.
You worry you might choke on the relief.
You blink once.
And you are off.
Off the invisible sex train.
You kiss the ground like you haven't seen dirt for decades.
It kisses you, too.
Congratulations.
You have survived the invisible sex train ride.
Welcome back.
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